At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
