I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
