God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
