There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
