it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
