I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
