He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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