20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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