If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
