Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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