i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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