Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
