1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
