im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize