By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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