sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
