If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
