I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
