you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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