Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
