I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
