called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
