she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
