Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
