I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
