he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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