i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
