toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
