Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
