it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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