i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
