peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize