Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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