True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
