Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
