Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
