you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize