I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize