So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
