suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
