I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
