Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
