Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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