not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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