i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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