So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize