please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
