Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
