You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
