Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
