Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
