I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
