After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, beer. Big fan.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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