walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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