cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
