He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
