At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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