my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
