Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
