Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
