I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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