I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
