Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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