I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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