She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
