take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the day after is always just damage control
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
