you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
