Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
